Many friends and family members urged me not to get the biopsy in my brain stem as it was likely the result would be death. I just wanted to know what was happening in my brain and why my body was deteriorating.The doctors stood by and said the only way to know was biopsy.
The decision of a lifetime…
Since I had no clue what was happening inside of my body and neither did the top medical doctors, I figured the only answer was brain surgery. I announced to the doctors and my family this was the path I had to choose. I declared the surgery would be in mid March. I was excited to finally have answers.
The brain stem biopsy….
The night before the surgery, the doctors came to my room and reassured me that I was making the right decision. They prepped me for what my day would be (not like I would remember).
I was able to sleep fine the night before the surgery. I was awoken at 5am by the sound of buzzers that we’re buzzing off spots of my hair to put brain wave monitors on my head. I was so thankful they didn’t buzz my whole head! After the electrodes were added to the bald spots, we headed down to the OR waiting area. I was nervous but calm. I was ready to know what was going on. I remember getting the anesthesia, everything started moving slower and then I passed out. The surgery lasted 8 hours. The next thing I knew was the neuro ICU. I looked over at Robert and knew I was still alive. The doctors were giving me MORE neuro testing and I didn’t want that so I kicked at him. I was still able to write after the surgery but couldn’t talk so I would write notes or squeeze Robert’s fingers to communicate. The doctor reviewed the results and said it wasn’t cancer! I was so glad because they almost diagnosed it as cancer.
The night after the 8 hour brain surgery was brutal. They intubated and tied my hands to the bed. I thought I was being tortured. I told my mom I was in a torture chamber. I could not sleep, so they kept giving me Morphine. I started hallucinating from all the medicine they gave me. I felt like I was inside a beehive with bees swarming around me.
You’re the strongest person i have ever met, and somehow maintained a positive attitude through the worst of times. You are a true inspiration.
I love you Pauleen! I hope you’re loving Houston. Miss you ❣️
That night was so hard as you wrote those words for me to read. Then, on the heals of that, the pic line drama. It was so hard to see them trying, failing, again and again. I felt so bad for you. That seemed like torture.