Lessons from my deathbed at 24 years-old

On March 7, 2017 I found myself laying in a hospital bed with nurses all around me. I was hospitalized after finding a tumor in my brain stem. There were doctors and nurses all around me, saying things I didn’t understand. It took me a while to understand what was going on. Then I was told ” we need to biopsy your brain.” That was the moment I got really scared and my body was trying to process this trauma.

I stayed in the hospital for quite a while before the biopsy. The pain of the mass in my head was torturous, so I was actually excited for the surgery…. In hopes it would clear my pain. The surgeon came in the night before and I signed a million consent forms. She explained what she was going to do to my brain. Fast forward through the surgery. The surgeon declared that I didn’t have cancer, but that she couldn’t diagnose me. The night after surgery was horrible. I was intubated and tied down to my bed. I couldn’t sleep. I was on a very high dosage of Morphine and was hallucinating. I could hear the people in rooms nearby screaming. I thought I was in a torture chamber.

Cue me being on my deathbed and the lessons I learned from the hospital bed.

1. The “party phase” is worth it, There were days I felt so thankful for my crazy party days in high school and college. I was just spending time in my hospital bed dreaming and reminiscing on my party girl lifestyle.

2. Question everything I feel like I didn’t ask enough questions from my medical team. Luckily, my fam was helping ask.

3. Eat the carbs After the brain surgery, I was not able to eat food for about 2 months. I would literally wake up with my fingers in my mouth because I was dreaming about food. I just suggest intuitive eating. Don’t overdo it but I was in the hospital, unable to eat wishing I would’ve eaten more burgers.

4. Conscious movement My whole stay in the hospital, I had trouble moving my body. I was in PT & OT daily snd my body was relearning how to move.I has to think about each and every movement. Moving my toes and lifting my fingers. I suggest others try being more mindful as you walk and move..

5. Explore new hobbies Everything I ever wanted to do flashed before my eyes. Take it from me, take that dance class you’ve been avoiding or learn to play the guitar.

5. Take the trip I was thankful for the traveling I did before I was hospitalized. I know that we’re not really traveling right now because of CV, but if things reopen, book your dream vacation!

6. There’s a higher power I was in touch with God for most of my hospital stay. I kept getting messages that I was being kept alive because I have a bigger purpose to fulfill.

7. You are here for a reason While I would talk to God in my hospital bed,, I realized that everyone was put on the Earth at the right. time with a purpose.

9. Love on your people My eyes tear up every time I think about how many people were there for me. My family took shifts staying with me at my bedside. I was barely ever alone. Take time to love on the ones who love you. You never know who will show up for you in the most unexpected ways.

11. People are inherently good Being in the hospital, I met some of the nicest people.Even after, People amaze me with their genuine kindness.

Whew, that was one of m y longer posts. Thank you for sticking with me to read it.

This is actually quite healing to write.

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